i've become one of them ...

i'm a huge fan of the biggest loser.  i've been watching it for years ... usually while eating taco bell and dairy queen.  it's actually a pretty fun way to watch tv.  anywhoo ... and usually in the first few weeks the contestants break down and have a real good cry.  now i'm always up for a good cry ... it's how i release anger, sadness, happiness, laughter, etc.  but i've never fully understood crying while working out.  that is until tonight ...


i have always equated push-ups with strength.  and more than muscle strength ... one who can conquer anything.  it's a sign of physical/mental/emotional accomplishment.  heroes can do push-ups.  so jake has been working my arms and having me do standing push-ups ... and i feel great afterwards.  i'm on my way!  but today ... and it's no special day ... he wants me to assume the push-up position and jump my legs so it's ankles in and ankles out.  i can barely hold the position and now he wants me to do what?  and so my mental block begins.  i'm mortified.  i'm mortified of failing.  i'm mortified of collapsing.  i'm just mortified.  and i just can't do it.  and as i struggle with tears and trying to push through this mental block, jake was awesome.  he let me struggle on my own (cuz i needed to) and patiently waited for me.  now i didn't want jake to see me cry ... and i didn't want to cry.  who cries during a work-out?  but alas ... after about ten minutes and hundreds of different hand placements, i managed to push through and move my body in a way i never dreamed possible.  i did it!  and i didn't fail.  let me repeat ... i didn't fail.  now it wasn't pretty ... and i could only jump my legs two times before falling.  but i kept doing it until they all accumulated to 15 seconds.  and then i pushed forward and completed the rest of my work-out.  and that included another round of those awful things.


so i have officially become a work-out cryer.  biggest loser would be proud.  but i know that this is happening for a reason ... i'm working out and releasing everything i have held on to for years ... all the pain, disappointment, frustration, obesity ... it's a lot to let surface.  but i truly feel this is helping more than therapy did ... and who knew?!  although therapy is a lot cheaper ... ha!  wow ... it has definitely been an emotional evening and i'm sure there will be more.  but for now ... i'll take it bcz i conquered tonight.


and on a happy note ... this morning i pulled out a pair of jeans straight from the dryer.  i put them on.  and they definitely went on a little more easy and you could see some sag in the thigh area.  straight from the dryer!!  maybe in a few weeks i'll be able to have a jeans burning party ... cuz i'll be down a size!  woot!